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Caregiving in the Littoral Zone

July 24, 2015 By Carolyn Parr 2 Comments

Nearly every day, even when she has to wear snowshoes, my friend Ann walks the beach near her home in Maine, where she shares her life with the man she loves. He has early Alzheimer’s.

“My favorite place to walk is the littoral zone,” she says.  “It reminds me of my life.”Caregiving in the Littoral Zone by Carolyn Parr

The littoral* zone, she tells me, is the area of the shore where the tide comes in and out. The upper part is dry and solid at low tide; at high tide, it’s all either underwater or soft and squishy from the lapping waves.

In the littoral zone you have one foot on solid ground, the other on sinking sand. You’re always off balance.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Blog, Communication, Family Matters Tagged With: care giving, Caregiver, Carolyn Parr, communication, difficult conversations, elder abuse, elder care, Elder Mediation, Family, family communication

When You Are the One and Only Caregiver

April 18, 2011 By Carolyn Parr 1 Comment

Occasionally we meet individuals whose first response to our mentioning Tough Conversations is: “I was the one and only caregiver for my (fill in the blank: mother, father, grandparent, etc.)” “Do you have siblings?” we ask. Sometimes we hear no, other times, yes. If yes,  “Weren’t you able to get their support, or access help from other sources?” is our next query. Again, sometimes yes, other times, no.
The bottom line among many families is that one adult child becomes ‘the one and only’ caregiver; the sole custodian of financial and health care responsibilities, or end-of-life and change-of-residence needs.
Some have nowhere else to turn; others call on social service agencies for assistance. One friend commented that she was so focused on caring for her parents, she never thought of asking others for help. As a result her memories of caring for her mother are filled with resentment, anger, and fatigue.
For those of you who are or were “the one and only” we invite you to share your insights of what it is (or was) like be a sole caregiver. There must be many of you flying alone. What can we learn from your experience? What advice, suggestions, or counsel would you share with others? What kinds of tough conversations do you wish had taken place but never did?
We hope you’ll share your thoughts about what it’s like to be ‘the one and only.’
Sig Cohen

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: care giving, elder care, health care power of attorney, living will, sibling rivalry

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