Yesterday I was honored to officiate at the wedding of my granddaughter Emily Turek and Rob Pergament. I shared secrets of long-lasting marriages. The same “secrets” apply to all healthy relationships: between friends, siblings, and between generations. Here they are.

Forgiveness. Don’t keep score. Know a mountain from a mole hill – and think of the little stuff as endearing instead of letting it drive you nuts. And try not to go to bed mad.

Pay Attention. Carl Rogers said, “Total attention feels like love.” For at least an hour a day stop multi-tasking, turn off the screens, and listen to each other.

Generosity. Live out of an image of plenty, not scarcity. Help others, be hospitable, give your money, time, and energy to improve the world.

Support. Be each other’s biggest fan. Have each other’s back. Make each other laugh. Mourn each other’s losses. Celebrate each other’s triumphs.

Shared Spirituality. Rabbi Jonathan Sacks says, “God is bigger than religion.” By shared spirituality I mean creating safe space to share one’s spiritual understandings – about God, about the meaning of life, about the deepest things you each believe. You will have different experiences, but together you can discover a common well from which you both may drink, one that can sustain you over the long haul.

Carolyn Parr