Tough Conversations

Solutions Through Compassionate Communication.

“Am I too old to…….[fill in the blank]?”

By Leave a Comment

“Am I too old to…….[fill in the blank]?”

Don’t tell me that this question hasn’t crept into your psyche. It has mine. Too often. And I lead an active and (I’d like to think) productive life. But this demon thought has a way of infecting my self-esteem and diminishing my self-worth.

If I see a flyer for a hiking trip, or a job announcement, or news about some vacation that I would have jumped at 20 years ago, the thought creeps up on me: “Aren’t you too old for that?”

Where does this thinking come from? I attribute it to two sources: one external, the other interior.

The external sources include attitudes many elders confront daily: One is Ageism, a form of discrimination — sometimes subtle in nature — against older people in the workplace, in sports, in the media, almost everywhere. The other is Elderspeak: the verbal expression of ageism where we’re treated condescendingly and sometime addressed as “dearie,” or “sweetie,” or some other irritatingly infantile-sounding term.

The interior source is our own situation: Aging does take a toll. Inevitably an array of limitations – from cataracts to cancer – are going to impact our physical and mental well-being.

But aging has its benefits: while I may not be able to run a four or even eight-minute mile, I see a change in my emotional strength; improved people skills, more willing to compromise on my likes and dislikes, and greater openness to listen to both sides of an issue.

Conclusion: I may have become too old for some things. But if I take a longer view, I conclude that elder-ing (not aging) has advantages that I need to recognize and relish.

Sig Cohen

The subtle sounds of age-ism

By

Try this on: A friend told me that her aunt who lives in an assisted living facility (I hate that word, facility. It sounds more like a factory or a warehouse for the infirm than a home or residence.) Anyway….
One night her aunt woke up hearing the sound of someone in her room. When she asked who was there, the person quickly left.
When her aunt mentioned the incident to an aide, the latter dismissed her report saying: “You were probably having a hallucination.” That sent her skyward. My friend’s aunt’s mental faculties are as sharp as a teenager’s (that may not be saying much these days, but you get what I mean). The aide summarily dismissed her report, not by saying she’d check it out or asking for more information, but by demeaning her. The aide assumed that this older person had to be over-medicated, suffering from a dizzy spell, or simply delusional.
As it turned out, a night attendant HAD entered her room and failed to identify himself when challenged.
So much for the delusional, hallucinating aunt. But will the aide, or for that matter, any of us continue to assume that older persons are lacking in mental acuity the next time they report something that seems on the edge of reality?
Sig