Tough Conversations

Solutions Through Compassionate Communication.

202-359-6141

  • Home
  • Resources
    • FAQ
    • Elder Mediation Defined
    • The Uses of Elder Mediation
    • News Articles of Interest
  • News & Events
  • Services
  • Blog
  • Love’s Way
  • About Us
  • Testimonials

Before You Plop Your Parent in a Residence (aka “Facility”), Read This

September 13, 2018 By Sig Cohen Leave a Comment

When my friend Bill’s mother’s primary care physician informed her that she would need round-the-clock support (because of one unexplained blackout), it was a shocker to her and her family.

What to do? Bill and his brother lived far enough away that they couldn’t provide their mom the required level of personal care. And their Mom was determined to remain in her hometown.

So, they checked out a few assisted living residences, and in an all-too-brief period decided on one. It had a good enough reputation and wasn’t far from her apartment. So, she moved in… and was pretty miserable for her remaining years. Given her temperament, she might have been unhappy no matter where she lived. But I can’t help wondering whether the residence where Bill’s mom moved was the main cause of her upset.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: elder care

Your Power of Attorney: Sword or Shield?

August 7, 2018 By Carolyn Parr 1 Comment

A man I’ll call George hired my friend, a social worker, to visit his “Uncle Milt.” George hoped my friend would persuade Milt, 96, to move from the home he loved on the East Coast to a nursing home in Nebraska near George. Uncle Milt, however, was firmly planted and said so loud and clear.

The social worker found Milt alert and engaging. She gave him a “mini-mental” test that showed minor memory loss but no dementia. Milt’s two long-time health-care aides were present. They kept him clean and well-fed and took him on outings. A neighbor looked in on Milt every evening. Clearly they all shared a deep affection for Milt. He seemed happy.

My friend informed George that Milt could safely remain in his home and recommended he be allowed to do so.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: elder care, finances, Powers of Attorney

Is Lack of Transparency the Same as Lying?

May 5, 2017 By Sig Cohen 2 Comments

What if we neglect to tell a family member something that we feel is unimportant or even trivial, but they think IS important and not trivial? Is that lying? Or behaving falsely?

For example……

What if a family member, a care-giving sibling (CGS), uses her parents’ money to purchase a first-alert device or a home security system so she knows whether the parent has been in an accident or has a medical emergency? The other siblings live a several hundred miles away. Why bother? They’re not involved, right?

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Blog, Communication Tagged With: Caregiving, Conflict Resolution, difficult conversations, elder care, family communication, finances, Point of View, Siblings

Lessons Learned – Part One: Get Issue Oriented

February 27, 2017 By Sig Cohen 1 Comment

As Carolyn and I consider our next steps with Tough Conversations we’d like to share some of the lessons learned mediating adult family issues. Among the most salient is that mediation is ‘issue focused.’

How many times have we been asked to mediate toxic relationships among family members who over the years have become increasingly embittered? That, we reply, is for therapists or family counselors who can help families traverse the divides that have overtaken their relationships. Often toxicity deepens when families confront an older adult member who may need care or medical help.

In these cases it’s our charge to tease out of our discussions with family members the issues or disputes that impelled them to reach out to us. In some cases no dispute exists, only decades-old enmity that needs professional counseling. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: Conflict Resolution, elder care, Elder Mediation, family communication, Mediation, Siblings, tough conversations

Who’d Have Thought?

August 23, 2016 By Sig Cohen Leave a Comment

 
As elder and adult family mediators, we keep learning about (not-so-new) legislation, court settlements, and resources that may pleasantly surprise Whp'd Have Thought by Sig Cohenmany elders and their family members. Here are three that may benefit you, a loved one, or someone you support.

  1. Medicaid is Not a Single Program
  2.  
    Many, including myself, thought that Medicaid covers only nursing home care for low- and no-income individuals who financially qualify for the benefit. Not so. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Blog, Communication, Facilitation, Family Matters Tagged With: aging, Alternative Care, Caregiving, elder care, Family, finances, Medicaid, Medicare, Sig Cohen

An Alternative to Guardianship Made for Mediation

July 14, 2016 By Sig Cohen 2 Comments

 

An Alternative to Guardianship Made for MediationWell, if you die before she does, then she’ll need a guardian,” an attorney recently told a friend of mine. He was referring to my friend’s sister who relies largely on him to handle her financial, healthcare, and other concerns. The attorney’s remark was like the snap of a wet towel across his thigh. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Blog, Family Matters Tagged With: Caregiving, elder care, Family, Siblings, Sig Cohen

When Is It Time?

May 26, 2016 By Carolyn Parr Leave a Comment

 

Tough Conversations is pleased to feature an article by Guest Blogger Susy Murphy who is a respected Aging Life Care Manager and Owner of Debra Levy Eldercare Associates in Maryland.

Making The Difficult Decision to Move a Family Member to Assisted Living or Memory Care
(reprinted with permission)

When is it timeOne of the most difficult decisions that any family faces is making the decision about when, or if, moving a family member to assisted living is the right thing to do. As Aging Life Care™ Managers, this is often when we are called on, whether to schedule an office consult with concerned adult children to discuss options or to meet with a spouse in their home and assess whether or not their husband or wife can still be safely cared for there. It is nearly always an emotionally fraught decision. Sometimes adult children promised their parents that they would “never put them in a home,” whatever that may mean in today’s world where some skilled nursing facilities actually more closely resemble a Hilton Garden Inn with nurses, and long before being faced with the realities of a difficult diagnosis, such as Lewy Body Dementia. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Communication, Family Matters Tagged With: advance directives, aging, Alzheimers, Caregiving, communication, Dementia, elder care, family communication, Final wishes, Hospice, Powers of Attorney, speaking to elders

Lessons from a Wedding

May 15, 2016 By Sig Cohen 3 Comments

 

We recently attended our son’s wedding. It was beautiful. The weather was perfect and our son and his new wife couldn’t have looked more radiant. What amazed me the most, however, was the amount of planning that went into preparing for the big day.

Lessons From a Wedding

Months before the ceremony our son’s fiancé (and he) began the process. Planning included the size and color of the calligraphy of the invitation, floral arrangements, seating at the wedding dinner, down to the ‘official’ color of the event.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Blog, Family Matters Tagged With: aging, communication, elder care, End of Life Planning, Final wishes, Sig Cohen

Redeeming the Pain (A Book Review)

February 15, 2016 By Carolyn Parr 4 Comments

 
Some books are better the second time around.  Even better the third, after Redeeming the Painlife has delivered its lessons. Living Through Personal Crisis by Ann Kaiser Stearns is such a book.

Its subject is grief over life’s losses, big and small. A painful divorce propelled the author, a clinical psychologist, chaplain, and professor, to write it. She had two purposes: to help others and to heal herself.

In a video on her website, and in the Preface to her revised version, Dr. Stearns says resilience comes when we learn from our pain. When we find meaning in it.  We redeem our own suffering by using it to help someone else. And that makes us stronger. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Blog, Community, Family Matters Tagged With: Carolyn Parr, death, difficult conversations, elder care, Mediation, moving on

Is Mediation Too Risky for Some?

December 30, 2015 By Sig Cohen 2 Comments

 

As an elder (or adult family) mediator, I constantly wonder why more families with disagreements about caring for an older adult parent or handling vexing estate matters, don’t engage a mediator to help them resolve their disputes.

Is Mediation Too Risky for Some?Mediation can settle differences without time-consuming and expensive litigation, let alone aggravating already frayed intra-family relations.

We’ve heard a lot about doing a better job of marketing ourselves.  More involvement with social media.  Better networking.  And so on. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Communication, Family Matters Tagged With: aging, communication, Conflict Resolution, elder care, Elder Mediation, Family, family communication, Mediation, Sig Cohen

Next Page »
Newsletter Sign Up

Sign up to receive our Monthly Newsletter and receive a free copy of our 10 point Guide to Tough Conversations.


Sign Up

Read stories, tips, and facts
about some of life's tough
conversations »

Please call us for
more information:

202-359-6141

HOME | NEWS & EVENT | SERVICES | BLOG | ABOUT US | CONTACT US

©2011 Beyond Dispute Associates, Washington, D.C. Maryland, Virginia. All Rights Reserved.


Like us on
Facebook
Visit us on
Linkedin