Tough Conversations

Solutions Through Compassionate Communication.

202-359-6141

  • Home
  • Resources
    • FAQ
    • Elder Mediation Defined
    • The Uses of Elder Mediation
    • News Articles of Interest
  • News & Events
  • Services
  • Blog
  • Love’s Way
  • About Us
  • Testimonials

Tips for the Governing Party from a Mediator’s Playbook

April 5, 2017 By Sig Cohen Leave a Comment

The recent debacle over repealing and replacing Obamacare might have been avoided had the President and Congress applied these six best practices in mediation:

1. Stop the Clock. Trying to get House approval of the American Health Care Act on the anniversary of the signing of the Affordable Care Act ignored a central premise of mediation: No clock-watching. Setting a deadline might work as a negotiating tactic. But mediation isn’t negotiation. Reaching consensus among opposing parties takes time and patience, especially when hammering out a measure that needs majority approval. Imposing a cut-off date for passing such complicated legislation guaranteed failure.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Blog, Communication Tagged With: confiden, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, Point of View, Sig Cohen, transparency, Trust building

Lessons Learned – Part One: Get Issue Oriented

February 27, 2017 By Sig Cohen 1 Comment

As Carolyn and I consider our next steps with Tough Conversations we’d like to share some of the lessons learned mediating adult family issues. Among the most salient is that mediation is ‘issue focused.’

How many times have we been asked to mediate toxic relationships among family members who over the years have become increasingly embittered? That, we reply, is for therapists or family counselors who can help families traverse the divides that have overtaken their relationships. Often toxicity deepens when families confront an older adult member who may need care or medical help.

In these cases it’s our charge to tease out of our discussions with family members the issues or disputes that impelled them to reach out to us. In some cases no dispute exists, only decades-old enmity that needs professional counseling. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: Conflict Resolution, elder care, Elder Mediation, family communication, Mediation, Siblings, tough conversations

Have Seniors Become Their Own Worst Enemy?

November 18, 2016 By Sig Cohen 2 Comments

 
I used to like being told I look great for my age. It was a super ego-booster, made me feel special. But what did that remark really mean? It meant that the person making the remark has a stereotypical view of what older people SHOULD look like. And I didn’t fit their stereotype. It wasn’t really a compliment. It was a remark tainted with prejudice.

Seniors need to stop thinking and acting as if their age limits them.It wasn’t until I began reading This Chair Rocks by Ashton Applewhite* that the scourge of ageism in America became crystal clear. Our society is awash in it. Not only is there a psychological bias against older adults, the scourge has even infected the minds of many older Americans. And who is proof of this? Me. Yes, me. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Blog, Communication, Community Tagged With: aging, communication, Mediation, Point of View, Sig Cohen

The Virtue of Vulnerability

October 18, 2016 By Carolyn Parr Leave a Comment

 
On September 29, 2016, I sat riveted as Judge Michael Aloi of West Virginia encouraged mediators to become more vulnerable.[1}

The message, the messenger, and the audience’s response were stunning.

The Virtue of Vulnerability by Carolyn ParrThe message was surprising because mediators are usually encouraged to be neutral. Judge Aloi reminded us that most of our clients are experiencing deep pain. Our visible empathy and deep listening can help them feel safer—show them they’ve been heard. Judge Aloi said our vulnerability shows we connect with them. It telegraphs, “You are important to me. You matter.” [Read more…]

Filed Under: Blog, Communication Tagged With: Carolyn Parr, communication, Elder Mediation, Empathy, Mediation, Point of View

The High-Wire Act Called Mediation

October 3, 2016 By Sig Cohen 2 Comments

 
I once heard an experienced mediator comment: “I care, but I don’t care that much.” I never quite grasped his meaning. Was he suggesting that a mediation session is entirely in the hands of the parties, and if they can’t reach an agreement within a specific period of time, tough luck? Or did he feel that, despite how close the parties got to an agreement, if an impasse arose, he’d be damned if he’d fall on his sword to help them reach the finish line?

The High-Wire Act Called Mediation by Sig CohenNot always, but in many mediations, I feel like I’m one of the Flying Wallendas, balanced on a high wire trying to accomplish two things:

  1. Help the parties reach the far end of the wire (settling the case); and
  2. Not fall off the tightrope (i.e. keeping a party from leaving the session).

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Blog, Communication Tagged With: communication, Conflict Resolution, difficult conversations, Elder Mediation, Mediation, Sig Cohen

Make Up 3 Stories

September 15, 2016 By Carolyn Parr 6 Comments

 
Make Up 3 StoriesLike Paris, Washington, DC is a city of outdoor cafes. One of my favorite things to do while sipping a margarita at Guapo’s is to make up stories about the people passing by. It’s fun to do with a friend.

Recently, for instance, a clean-shaven, neatly dressed brown-skinned man with straight hair walked by. He wore a blue dress shirt, open at the neck, with his sleeves rolled up. He looked 30-ish, serious, focused as he entered Starbucks next door. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Blog, Communication Tagged With: acceptance, Carolyn Parr, communication, family communication, Mediation, Point of View

My Least Favorite Words

March 9, 2016 By Sig Cohen Leave a Comment

Everyone has words they dislike.  I have three:My Least Favorite Words

The first is “facility.”  Especially when grouped with ‘assisted living’ or ‘continuing care,’ or ‘memory care.’

I’d always thought a facility is a place where things are made, or shipped from, or warehoused. Facilities are places for getting things done. Why do we apply the term ‘facility’ to describe places where older people reside?

Residences or homes are where people live.  Like long-term care residences, or skilled-nursing homes.  Coupling the word facility with places where many seniors reside contributes to the objectification of older people, that is, treating them as an object or thing.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Communication, Family Matters Tagged With: communication, Family, family communication, intergenerational communication, Mediation, Sig Cohen

Redeeming the Pain (A Book Review)

February 15, 2016 By Carolyn Parr 4 Comments

 
Some books are better the second time around.  Even better the third, after Redeeming the Painlife has delivered its lessons. Living Through Personal Crisis by Ann Kaiser Stearns is such a book.

Its subject is grief over life’s losses, big and small. A painful divorce propelled the author, a clinical psychologist, chaplain, and professor, to write it. She had two purposes: to help others and to heal herself.

In a video on her website, and in the Preface to her revised version, Dr. Stearns says resilience comes when we learn from our pain. When we find meaning in it.  We redeem our own suffering by using it to help someone else. And that makes us stronger. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Blog, Community, Family Matters Tagged With: Carolyn Parr, death, difficult conversations, elder care, Mediation, moving on

Mediation a la Downton Abbey

January 13, 2016 By Carolyn Parr 2 Comments

Mediation a la Downton AbbeyDownton Abbey launched its Final season January 3, 2016, 7.6 Million people were watching.  If you were one of them (as I was) you saw a superb example of the miracle of mediation.

As Season Five ended, Mr. Carson, the butler, had finally proposed to head housekeeper Mrs. Hughes, and she’d said yes.  But Season Six finds her having second thoughts.  She’s not ready to set the date, and can’t bring herself to tell him why. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Blog, Communication Tagged With: Carolyn Parr, communication, Mediation

Is Mediation Too Risky for Some?

December 30, 2015 By Sig Cohen 2 Comments

 

As an elder (or adult family) mediator, I constantly wonder why more families with disagreements about caring for an older adult parent or handling vexing estate matters, don’t engage a mediator to help them resolve their disputes.

Is Mediation Too Risky for Some?Mediation can settle differences without time-consuming and expensive litigation, let alone aggravating already frayed intra-family relations.

We’ve heard a lot about doing a better job of marketing ourselves.  More involvement with social media.  Better networking.  And so on. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Communication, Family Matters Tagged With: aging, communication, Conflict Resolution, elder care, Elder Mediation, Family, family communication, Mediation, Sig Cohen

Next Page »
Newsletter Sign Up

Sign up to receive our Monthly Newsletter and receive a free copy of our 10 point Guide to Tough Conversations.


Sign Up

Read stories, tips, and facts
about some of life's tough
conversations »

Please call us for
more information:

202-359-6141

HOME | NEWS & EVENT | SERVICES | BLOG | ABOUT US | CONTACT US

©2011 Beyond Dispute Associates, Washington, D.C. Maryland, Virginia. All Rights Reserved.


Like us on
Facebook
Visit us on
Linkedin