Tough Conversations

Solutions Through Compassionate Communication.

Tips for the Governing Party from a Mediator’s Playbook

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The recent debacle over repealing and replacing Obamacare might have been avoided had the President and Congress applied these six best practices in mediation:

1. Stop the Clock. Trying to get House approval of the American Health Care Act on the anniversary of the signing of the Affordable Care Act ignored a central premise of mediation: No clock-watching. Setting a deadline might work as a negotiating tactic. But mediation isn’t negotiation. Reaching consensus among opposing parties takes time and patience, especially when hammering out a measure that needs majority approval. Imposing a cut-off date for passing such complicated legislation guaranteed failure.

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Have Seniors Become Their Own Worst Enemy?

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I used to like being told I look great for my age. It was a super ego-booster, made me feel special. But what did that remark really mean? It meant that the person making the remark has a stereotypical view of what older people SHOULD look like. And I didn’t fit their stereotype. It wasn’t really a compliment. It was a remark tainted with prejudice.

Seniors need to stop thinking and acting as if their age limits them.It wasn’t until I began reading This Chair Rocks by Ashton Applewhite* that the scourge of ageism in America became crystal clear. Our society is awash in it. Not only is there a psychological bias against older adults, the scourge has even infected the minds of many older Americans. And who is proof of this? Me. Yes, me. [Read more…]

The High-Wire Act Called Mediation

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I once heard an experienced mediator comment: “I care, but I don’t care that much.” I never quite grasped his meaning. Was he suggesting that a mediation session is entirely in the hands of the parties, and if they can’t reach an agreement within a specific period of time, tough luck? Or did he feel that, despite how close the parties got to an agreement, if an impasse arose, he’d be damned if he’d fall on his sword to help them reach the finish line?

The High-Wire Act Called Mediation by Sig CohenNot always, but in many mediations, I feel like I’m one of the Flying Wallendas, balanced on a high wire trying to accomplish two things:

  1. Help the parties reach the far end of the wire (settling the case); and
  2. Not fall off the tightrope (i.e. keeping a party from leaving the session).

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Who’d Have Thought?

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As elder and adult family mediators, we keep learning about (not-so-new) legislation, court settlements, and resources that may pleasantly surprise Whp'd Have Thought by Sig Cohenmany elders and their family members. Here are three that may benefit you, a loved one, or someone you support.

  1. Medicaid is Not a Single Program

    2.  
    Many, including myself, thought that Medicaid covers only nursing home care for low- and no-income individuals who financially qualify for the benefit. Not so. [Read more…]

An Alternative to Guardianship Made for Mediation

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An Alternative to Guardianship Made for MediationWell, if you die before she does, then she’ll need a guardian,” an attorney recently told a friend of mine. He was referring to my friend’s sister who relies largely on him to handle her financial, healthcare, and other concerns. The attorney’s remark was like the snap of a wet towel across his thigh. [Read more…]

Lessons from a Wedding

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We recently attended our son’s wedding. It was beautiful. The weather was perfect and our son and his new wife couldn’t have looked more radiant. What amazed me the most, however, was the amount of planning that went into preparing for the big day.

Lessons From a Wedding

Months before the ceremony our son’s fiancé (and he) began the process. Planning included the size and color of the calligraphy of the invitation, floral arrangements, seating at the wedding dinner, down to the ‘official’ color of the event.

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Planning 10.0: Your Ethical Will

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Besides our will, powers of attorney, trust documents, and other legal, financial, and end-of-life instructions that we should share with family members, we need to prepare one other item: our ethical will.Planning 10.0: Your Ethical Will

Ethical wills (or legacy letters) are designed to transmit values from one generation to the next.  They set out our beliefs, principles, and hopes for those who succeed us.  An ethical will often include what we’re grateful for and our expectations for the future.  They are best written over an extended period.  Their purpose is to express what we hope our children will continue to follow and abide by.

Ethical wills are nothing new.  Their origins are rooted in Biblical soil.  Think of Moses speaking his parting words to the children of Israel as they were about to enter the Holy Land. Or, Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount in which he told his disciples that, among other Beatitudes: “Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the Earth.” [Read more…]

My Least Favorite Words

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Everyone has words they dislike.  I have three:My Least Favorite Words

The first is “facility.”  Especially when grouped with ‘assisted living’ or ‘continuing care,’ or ‘memory care.’

I’d always thought a facility is a place where things are made, or shipped from, or warehoused. Facilities are places for getting things done. Why do we apply the term ‘facility’ to describe places where older people reside?

Residences or homes are where people live.  Like long-term care residences, or skilled-nursing homes.  Coupling the word facility with places where many seniors reside contributes to the objectification of older people, that is, treating them as an object or thing.

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Washington’s Latest Controversy . . . Over a Treehouse

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Washington’s Latest Controversy . . . Over a Treehouse My wife and I live in Washington DC in a neighborhood called Capitol Hill.   As such, it would seem that our lives would be consumed with:

  • National concern;
  • Tough legislative issues;
  • Key judicial decisions;

upon which the fate of the country turns. Right? Wrong.

The major buzz in our neighborhood is about a house.   Not the House of Representatives nor the White House, but, believe it or not, a tree house.
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Is Mediation Too Risky for Some?

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As an elder (or adult family) mediator, I constantly wonder why more families with disagreements about caring for an older adult parent or handling vexing estate matters, don’t engage a mediator to help them resolve their disputes.

Is Mediation Too Risky for Some?Mediation can settle differences without time-consuming and expensive litigation, let alone aggravating already frayed intra-family relations.

We’ve heard a lot about doing a better job of marketing ourselves.  More involvement with social media.  Better networking.  And so on. [Read more…]